My Why

So a bit has changed in my life since I wrote my initial blog post over a year ago. The job that I talked about loving, I no longer have. I thought I was going to begin grad school this fall, but funding did not come together the way I hoped, so I plan to begin school in the fall of 2024. Even though I was not attending school, I did quit my job with no real plan for this in-between time other than I wanted to give myself some time to heal and find funding for school. I wanted to keep the original post because the evolution in my life is truly representative of my life in aspiring to be a real adult.

I was unemployed for four months and a consistent thought I have been having is that I never launched this blog and now is probably the time I should put some real effort and energy into this. So I wanted this blog post to talk about my why. Why am I pursuing this blog? Why am I hoping to create a full life and share the lessons I am learning while on that pursuit? I personally believe that in order for me to do things well, I have to have a strong why. Because this is so personal I want to share my why with you all as well.

In my intro post, I shared that my hope was to sort of document how I intend to live a more full life and to also share the stories of people whose stories I am hoping to share with you all. My hope is still to share stories because that is something I am still excited about, but I have been struggling with determining how to document the process of living a more full life. I have always been a private person and one of the goals with this blog is to allow myself to be more vulnerable without shame or guilt. So the idea that I will be sharing how I am working to live a more full life, is still emerging and expanding. I don’t have that quite figured out right now. But as my thoughts begin to come together more, I will be sure to share with you all. 

For now I know no one gives us a handbook on how to be a human in this world, but this is a place for me to share what I am learning and thinking with the hope that others have access to it. I don’t think that the things and information that we learn should be kept to ourselves. I believe I learn and experience things to share. This is a place for me to share the “work” that I am doing in real time. In its messiness, in its unclearness. In everything. Christy Haubegger, in More than Enough shares, “So, the way I see it: there is work, and then there is your life’s work. My goal was to build my life around the latter.” The way I am viewing this space currently is that it is a way to document and share the “work” that I am doing and learning. We are each the storyteller of our own lives and I am hoping to document the evolution of me. I’m sharing my life and the lives of people who are aspiring to live full lives that center our well-being.

I also want to share more about the feelings that I am having with actually sharing this blog with the world. There is a part of me that is concerned about the time this effort requires and things like that. But the main reason why this blog has been sitting as a draft for well over over a year now and then a thought in my head for much longer than that is fear. I am afraid that the things I share won’t make sense or that it is not something that really should not be shared with the world but rather my group chats. I also wonder what makes me qualified to share my thoughts about these subjects. Then I fear that actually I don’t have anything to say after all. It is just so much fear and imposter syndrome. I am not saying that all of that will go away overnight, but I am challenging myself to take things slow to give myself the time and space to adapt along the way and more importantly, grace. I can always change my mind and I keep telling myself that nothing is or ever will be perfect. But I am trying and that is my goal every single day is to get up and try my best. My best won’t look the same each day, but it will be my best for that time.

I hope my why is a bit more clear and you understand my feelings about sharing this with the world. I’m trying.

Wishing you well,

Danyelle

11:29am 12.12.23