The Love of My Life - Friendship

“The days have been dark, and the times are hard, but there has always been love, even before Freedom. Find love and keep it. It’s the only thing that no man or woman can take away.” - Rhonda McKnight from The Thing About Home

Being that it is Women’s History Month, I thought I would take some time to share about what friendships mean to me. Growing up, I watched a lot of television and I was not the type to explore new movies or shows that I was yet to discover. But rather, I continuously watched the same “programs” as the old folks would say over and over and over again. The shows that shaped me the most into who I am today are A Different World, Girlfriends, and The Golden Girls. I have seen The Golden Girls probably more than I have ever watched anything in my life, but something that all of these shows have in common is friendship. In these shows I learned that life will play in your face consistently and the people that you have in your corner, especially your friends are the people that will pick you back up and carry you to the next major event in your life. I admired the way Joan supported her friends with a listening ear and the way Rose would insert a Saint Olaf story to bring joy to her friends’ faces. I hoped to be able to carry the same grace back to the friendships I had at the time I was consistently watching these shows and to only build on this foundation to be a better friend in the future.

When I was younger, there was nothing I wanted more than to be a good friend. Not an amazing career, not a good daughter, not someone's girlfriend, not any other title in the world. With all my heart and soul, I only wanted to be a good friend. To this day, while it is not the single most important thing to me, being a good friend remains one of the roles that fills me up the most and that I am grateful to take very seriously. I don’t play about my friends.

What I love most about friendship is the honor that I feel that the people who are my friends choose every single day to continue our friendship. No one makes them do it. It is simply because they want to that they choose to do so. I don’t take that lightly. With family and romantic partnerships there feels like there is an obligation there, whether that be the blood that binds you together or the commitment made to each other. I don’t know why my friends continuously show up for me the way they do, but I am going to try to describe the way it makes me feel:

• My friends make me feel supported by spending time with me when there are a million other things in the world they could be doing, these choose to sit up with me often over good (or not so good food) and share about themselves and hear about me.

• My friends have been patient with me. Most people would describe me as quiet, but I choose to describe myself as an active listener. Because that is true I don’t often share about myself or it isn’t necessarily my first instinct. Over time I have gotten better about this, but I still wouldn’t say I am the best. The friends I have today are intentional about making space for me and encouraging me to take up that space. They celebrate me when special moments happen in ways that feel intentional and allow me to feel seen. They know that the way to get me to open up is by asking me questions and they do it intuitively. 

Because my friends show up for the way they do is part of the reason why they mean so much to me. The other reason is because they are simply some of the best humans walking this Earth and since I feel this way I believe that they should be cared for and regarded as such. I love celebrating my friends for the big things, for the small things, and for just continuing to stay present and for trying everyday in this thing we call life. It is a privilege and an honor to get to do life with the people in my corner. From the bottom of heart, I want to say thank you to everyone who is my friend now and to everyone who has been a friend to me at any point in my journey. I am grateful beyond measure for you and your friendship. You all have impacted my life in ways I don’t know if I will ever be able to put into words.

Hoping you are well,

Danyelle

4:28pm 3.10.24